Thursday, October 7, 2010

Die in a fire, Mr Quest Giver

I know we all sometimes wish we could just ask quest givers to shove it. I read a funny comic some year ago illustrating perfectly how frustrating quest givers can be at times - "Can you fetch me that book over there?", "... but it's right next to you...", "yeah, and I want you to give it to me", "but...". Yeah, there are actually plenty of quests like that. Quest giver A asks you to rely a message to quest giver B, who is standing 5 yards away. Wouldn't it be lovely to be able to just smack the quest giver over the head then?

There are loads of examples for when I'd like to such a thing, but I think one of the best examples is the quest Barov Family Fortune. Either you are a horde or an alliance, one of the brothers Barov (Weldon or Alexi) will tell you to venture into Scholomance to grab the deeds before the other brother can get his hands on them. Now, we're talking about the deeds to most of Tirisfal Glades (Brill), Hillsbrad (Southshore and Tarren Mill) and the island where Scholomance is situated, Caer Darrow. We're talking about the legal rights that show you own these lands. Owning these deeds means you own these lands. So I can definitely see why Alexi/Weldon is eager to get it before the other. What I don't get is how they can expect me to venture into Scholomance, one of the most dangerous areas in Azeroth (at the time), fight my way through the undead scourge with my life in the balance, gather these obviously extremely valuable deeds and then... just hand them over?

Wait a minute now Mr Barov... You want me to do what now? Oh don't worry though! The Barovs promise "vast fortunes" and "wealth beyond my wildest dreams"! Ok that sounds like a fair deal. You get rich, I get rich.

Sure, here are your papers, I nearly died five times trying to get them, but I'm sure you'll make it worth it - where are my riches? Where are my vast fortunes? And he hands you... 1g80s. Yes. You give him his family fortune, the legal rights to huge estates, which you got by endangering your own life and he rewards you with... not even 2g. Listen now Mr Barov! This wasn't much money even back in Vanilla! You think 2g is what lies beyond my dreams?! What do you take me for, a schmuck?!

But clearly we are, because people do this quest happily every day. I wish I could throw the coins in his head. And I just really wish I could keep those deeds and maybe become the mayor of Brill or build a house in Southshore. Screw you Mr Barov, I'm keeping these babies to myself.

Just to demonstrate just how little 2g is, even back in Vanilla, the quest for the Scholomance key recquires you to pay a greedy goblin 15g. So that Goblin gets 8 times more money for getting me inside the place where those deeds are in the first place. Getting those darn deeds for you cost me 10 times what you're offering Mr Barov! You better cough up a gold brick right now or you'll shit bricks for the rest of your life! 

*Due to explicit content the rest has been censored*

On the bright side, you can always take it out on the other brother Barov afterwards, since you get a quest to kill him.

What other quests can you think of that makes you wish you could ask a quest giver to go DIAF?


  1. Gilthares Firebough, who gives you a 20 minute escort quest in the Barrens. You save him from captivity and expect him to be at least somewhat keen on getting the heck out of that place, but no siree.. He's slower than a dead turtle. And he's aggressive as hell too! "They're comin' right for us!", he shouts, and runs toward some unsuspecting guards somewhere near the horizon.
    And when he's finally been escorted safely through a military fort and a couple of pirate camps, he asks you to "keep up the pace." I wanted to kill him, and then resurrect him, and kill him again. And then feed him to the sharks.
    So anyway... Don't do that quest if your blood pressure isn't low to begin with ^^

  2. "They're comin' right for us!"
    Might this not be a South Park reference?